“What do you think?” 
‍
“Maybe it's a bit much?” 
‍
“Do you think we’ll remember the way the sand feels right now, I mean our bodies…all total sensory output, with the wind brushing all around us, the hot air, the cool sky, darkened light, how tired we are? Do you think I’ll remember driving home tonight, would I want to if I did?” 
‍
“I wonder how many people are asleep right now? It feels like life is dead but the world is awake.” 
‍
“You didn't answer my questions.”
‍
“Like some essence of life is past human, being human is to kill life, and without some aspect of humanity, life is enhanced. I get that sounds esoteric and stupid, but tell me you don't feel it, right now, the silence of humans means you can finally hear life, the whole orchestra I mean, not just some drum in the corner of your ear while walking to class. You have the wind on…well the wind instruments, you have the crickets playing like snares maybe? Scratch the orchestra, I think that was a poor metaphor.” 
‍
“Do you think we’ll remember this all tomorrow?” 
‍
“I think orchestra was too sensory, this feeling of life is much more subtle. Reduction. The absence of, is still, well absence, but right now, we are faced with nothing else, and our senses are forced to turn nothing into something, and the particular something we come up with I think is the life I feel around us. You know, like the shadows that move in the dark, but for some reason right now my mind is playing into kinder hallucinations.” 
‍
“You aren't answering my question.” 
‍
“Well, I don't want to.” 
‍
“Why not?” 
‍
“I don't know.” 
‍
“That’s not a reason. It's a fair thing to ask, it-it’s not invasive.” 
‍
“Maybe it is invasive, or maybe I just don't want to answer it.” 
‍
“What time is it?” 
‍
“I left my phone inside.”
‍
“I think it’s around three in the morning, is my guess, since right there is Orion’s Belt.” 
‍
“Okay.”
‍
“Well I just think it's neat is all.” 
‍
“You knew I didn't bring my phone out here.” 
‍
“I thought you might have, but I wasn't sure.” 
‍
“Oh no, you were sure. You had to be, so that when you asked you knew I didn't have it so you could show that you had some knowledge of the stars you wanted to show off to make yourself appear all intellectual and ‘Oh I like stars because I’m cool but against the norms anti-mainstream’ or like ‘ neo grunge but not neo-grunge because neo grunge is cool.’ cool. The ‘I counter against counter-culture by embracing tradition but in a way which really sacrifices nothing which would commit myself to anything I truly believe in’ cool.” 
‍
“I was just thinking out loud.” 
‍
“I’ll miss this, you know.” 
‍
“Hmm?” 
‍
“This moment, when it's over, and we’re broken up and hate each other's guts like we’re supposed to.”
‍
“You don't think we’ll last?” 
‍
“Statistically speaking, half of marriages end in divorce, so what does that mean for high-school relationships?”
‍
“...”
‍
“It means we aren’t going to last, statistically speaking.” 
‍
“...” 
‍
“And who knows, I will miss this, but I think I'll forget it before it eats me up inside, you know, before this is all-consuming, like, like Bentley with a damn sandwich.” 
‍
“Thank god for that.” 
‍
“I think I’m more tired than you are.” 
‍
“Really? What gave you that impression?... You’re getting dozy, drive home, I'm not going to disappear.” 
‍
“This will and your lap is comfortable, and dozy isn't a word.” 
‍
“Dozy is a word, and you’re in so much excess it appears as if it isn't in your head.” 
‍
“I won't be able to speed home…too many cameras.”
‍
“Well that's good, so you won't disappear either.” 
‍
“I think it's safer when I'm tired to drive fast, means that I’ll get home quicker, spend less time driving tired, and the adrenaline of speeding will keep me awake.” 
‍
“That's dozy logic for sure.” 
‍
“What do you think I’m thinking about right now?”
‍
“I'm not sure.” 
‍
“Will we remember this?” 
‍
“We won’t. Well, I can't speak strictly for both of us, but I won't remember it. I'm far too tired, and there is far too much detail at this moment to remember it, so no, I won't remember it, but I will miss it for a bit.” 
‍
“Why don't you try to remember it?” 
‍
“I’ve tried, but it doesn't work. No matter what, I'll find myself in the future crying in my bed over some object or moment of the past. The moment itself doesn't stay, I mean like our conversations will age much better in our heads than they actually are for sure, like if someone recorded this it would be just fatigued blabbering like two recovering alcoholics talking over each other. My brain doesn't care, it creates what I want to miss and shoves it in my face, my metaphorical face, my conscious subconscious? You know what I mean, it will be stuck on the forefront of my catalog of incoming thoughts, the waterfall in my stream of consciousness.” 
‍
“That was clever.” 
‍
“It wasn’t, but you won't remember it tomorrow, and you'll imagine I said something clever instead of this.” 
‍
“...”
‍
“I think you should drive home and miss me in the safety of your bed instead of a stretcher. It's a long drive back.”
‍
“And?” 
‍
“And?” 
‍
“I want to stay for as long as possible, I want to stay.” 
‍
“I'm kicking you out, all of your machismo won't convince me otherwise, and I'm also tired, so go.” 
‍
“It’s not machismo if I want to stay because that means I’m being emotional, which is not masculine.” 
‍
“You’re right, this is hurting your masculinity, so you should go.” 
‍
“You’re kicking me out?” 
‍
“I'll text you tomorrow.” 
‍
“What if it isn't the same?” 
‍
“I told you, I’m not going to disappear. This girl might, but me, capital I, I, well that's already capitalized, you get what I mean. I, I, I won't be going anywhere, and next time we hang out, we can have this conversation of intense fatigue if it's your masochistic pleasure you sadistic narcoleptic.” 
‍
“That’s a terrible way of putting it.” 
‍
“You should go now.”
‍
“I feel like we barely see each other.”
‍
“You’re barely…goodnight!”
‍
“I love you.” 

Published 18th March, 2024.